I Learned Anyway

On my first day of second grade in the United States, I quietly sat at my desk while words I couldn’t understand filled the classroom. Every voice and instruction felt like a puzzle I couldn’t solve.

 Anyone can learn, but not everyone can teach effectively. For a child entering a classroom with zero understanding of the language around them, the difference between a supportive teacher and an unsupportive one can determine whether learning feels possible or impossible. I learned this important lesson in second grade through my experiences with my ESL teacher, Ms. Martha, and the students who ultimately taught me more than she did. Those students became my teachers when the adults who were there to teach failed to do so.

I am an immigrant. I moved to the United States in 2015 and started school that fall without knowing any English. I was eight years old in a new environment with very little support. Neither my parents nor my siblings spoke English, and all other family members were simply used to speaking to us in Albanian.

The two months I spent with my family before I started school in September, I did not learn anything. My cousins didn’t speak Albanian, and my aunts and uncles did not speak English very well. While they are not to blame for the fact that I started school not speaking any English, I often wished someone had tried harder to help me prepare instead of simply assuming I would figure it out.

When enrolling, my dad was told that my ESL teacher would be an Albanian woman. Therefore, she would have been able to translate everything for me as needed. I soon found out that those words were nothing but lies. When school started, I realized that the teacher was a Russian woman who spoke no Albanian. The one person who was supposed to help me understand the classroom could not communicate with me at all.

The classroom itself felt overwhelming. Bright lights filled the room, students spoke rapidly around me, and every direction from the teacher sounded like a blur of unfamiliar sounds. I sat quietly at my desk, trying to understand anything at all.

I started school with teachers staring at me as if I were an alien. As if they had never seen a non-English speaking child before. Their confused expressions and whispers made me feel like I did not belong in the classroom. My anxiety was through the roof because of these teachers. I was called out to answer questions I could not understand and repeat words I could not pronounce. I believed that, despite the language barrier, the ESL teacher would help me. None of the teachers ever put effort into helping me in class. They stood by as I struggled under their judgmental gazes.

Three other students in my grade were placed into the ESL program with me, yet I was the only non-English speaker. While Ms. Martha was gentle and patient with everyone else, she did not put any effort into helping me learn English. She would speak to me, expecting a response, and would grow agitated when I could not respond the way she wanted. Ms. Martha spent her time berating and yelling at me over the fact that I could not speak any English, completely disregarding the reason I was placed in the ESL program.

Each time she called on me in class, my heart would race. I knew I could not understand what she wanted, yet I was still expected to respond. Those moments made me feel isolated, as if I were the only person in the room who did not belong there.

Without helpful adults, I had to find my own way to learn English. Over time, I realized that the people teaching me the most were not the adults in charge of the classroom, but the second graders sitting beside me. Their patience and empathy helped me more than any adult’s instruction or berating ever could. During recess, instead of spending their time playing, my classmates would point to objects, act out words, and repeat simple phrases until I understood them. These children were still learning how to read and write themselves, yet they chose to spend their free time helping me understand a language that was completely unfamiliar to me. Their kindness made school feel less frightening and showed me the true power of patience and support in teaching.

No matter how difficult it was, I began to teach myself outside of school as well. I would watch YouTube videos in English until I could understand full sentences. I would repeat whatever the videos said and try to copy the sounds. Slowly, I started to learn the language. My accent was thick, and my sentences were choppy, but I was beginning to speak English. This was far more than I could do at the start.

Although I improved significantly, Ms. Martha continued to respond with negativity. Instead of criticizing me for not speaking at all, she began criticizing my accent whenever I tried to speak. She often told me that I was too difficult to understand and that I was not showing any improvement. It felt as though every achievement I made was immediately dismissed. Because I had begun speaking without her help, my progress seemed to frustrate her rather than please her. No matter what I said or how much effort I made, there was always another complaint waiting.

Despite Ms. Martha’s grievances about my progress, I was never offered any real help. I achieved everything on my own with very minimal outside support. Despite accomplishing all of this, the challenges continued over the years.

Even after all of that struggling, I continued. I persevered and pushed past the difficulties I faced and the people who attempted to hold me back. I kept my friends close and slowly distanced myself from teachers. They had lost my trust as educators. This experience made me extremely independent. I would always try to teach myself something before ever asking a teacher a question. I leaned on my friends instead of the adults who were supposed to guide me, and in the end, I succeeded.

I became fluent to the point where people rarely realized I was an immigrant unless I told them myself. Not only that, but I achieved this before second grade had even ended. I proved every expectation the school had placed on me wrong. I always made it clear that Ms. Martha was not the person responsible for my success. My friends helped me reach that point, and most importantly, I helped myself.

Due to the lack of traditional education in the English language, I struggled with grammar and writing for many years afterward. I also developed different accents for different words and phrases. Over time, I realized that I had begun code-switching depending on the people around me and my environment, often without even realizing it.

Looking back, this experience shaped the way I understand education and teaching. It taught me that teaching is not simply about giving instructions; it requires patience, empathy, and the willingness to help someone who is struggling. Although my journey with English began with confusion and isolation, it ultimately led me to meet the most meaningful people in my life, who taught me that teachers are not always the ones standing at the front of the room.